Taking My Best Friend To Prom, And Seeing If She Likes Me More Than The Current Boyfriend?

[Drakku]

Okay. Here's my two cents from a girl's point of view.

If I were here, I'd be going and expecting to go as friends. If she's not a lesbian, (which for god's sake don't ask her that.. I'll explain in a second), then if you pop out anything about your feelings for her, it's a huge thing. You don't just drop that on someone, especially when she's heading into this thinking it's just as friends. I myself am going to my friend's senior prom with him, as friends, and I'm not expecting him to announce his feelings for me. He better not, or I don't know how I'd respond.

As for asking her her sexuality, there's a thing called "de-closeting" someone. If she is lesbian and confided in her friend, but hasn't told you, she obviously isn't open about it, and thus her friend de-closet'd her by revealing it to you. You do NOT want to put her into an awkward situation where she is forced to disclose her sexual preference, that will officially kill your evening. That, and it might kill the friendship of whoever told you.
Have you considered her quiet way of saying 'taken' may not have been a wishful way of saying she wasn't, but that she didn't want questions applied to it?

So me, myself, I would stress you keep this strictly friends, for your friendship's sake. If you come on too strong, she's going to hole up, and there goes your chance.
Just be yourself, and let your actions remind her why you both have been friends for so long.
If she does like you, then it will grow off of your friendship into something, as corny as it sounds, beautiful.

My fiance and I were good friends before we realized we were falling in love, so trust me, just continuing to be friends is about the best you can possibly do.

And also, why are you afraid of losing her friendship? The magic of technology can solve all distances now, you can keep in touch with her on IM, through Myspace or Facebook, or find a common site to hang out on.

 

[darkesword2020]

Okay. Here's my two cents from a girl's point of view.

here's a thing called "de-closeting" someone. If she is lesbian and confided in her friend, but hasn't told you, she obviously isn't open about it, and thus her friend de-closet'd her by revealing it to you. You do NOT want to put her into an awkward situation where she is forced to disclose her sexual preference, that will officially kill your evening. That, and it might kill the friendship of whoever told you.
Have you considered her quiet way of saying 'taken' may not have been a wishful way of saying she wasn't, but that she didn't want questions applied to it?

So when I talked to Haley (rachel's friend) - She mentioned two things. That 1: she was gay, and 2: She was seeing someone.

Well, either facebook is lying, or she is, Look at this:

Still think the same thing Drakku?
Note, I'm not calling you out, I just believe the possibility of Rachel being gay, to be very little. Even more so now that I see that.

 

[MisterChief]

I HAD the exact same situation your in, so here's my input. I absolutly loved this girl, older, about to move to another state. So I had my last year to be with her, and I knew if nothing happened now, nothing never would. We had homecoming soon, and I was thinking whether I should ask her (risk not being best friends anymore) or just stay friends and hope she doesn't get anyone so we can play it from there. Guess which one I took, I never aksed her, but for a reason. She found someone else first. Someone she really didn't like, but because she didn't want to be alone. I went to HC, but with friends, and she was there, we did dance and talked, but it never went anywhere after. She's now in seattle and i'm in LA and I regret not ever asking her.

Basically, I would say go for it, go for it, go for it! I have regreted that decision ever since, but I have visited her numerous times, and I've expressed my feelings for her, and guess what? she has had the same feelings for me too. So just go for man. YOU CAN DO IT!!!! haha

 

[Drakku]

So when I talked to Haley (rachel's friend) - She mentioned two things. That 1: she was gay, and 2: She was seeing someone.

...

Still think the same thing Drakku?
Note, I'm not calling you out, I just believe the possibility of Rachel being gay, to be very little. Even more so now that I see that.

Well, the only person that's really gonna know it is Rachel herself. I dunno who you should listen to, but as far as prom night's going, I still stick by my guns as keeping it as friends.

I also think that you shouldn't believe everything you read on Facebook. Since again, that's a rather public place, and if she's not openly admitting her sexuality, she wouldn't put it up for everyone to see.

I'm not trying to be negative or anything, I really wish you the best of luck with this. Just try to steel yourself just in case, if you know what I mean.

 

[Das Brutus]

Tom Lycus. look him up. He'll give you all the advise you'll need. i don't always agree with his ideas, but it is one way to see things.

 

[CPU64]

I'd love to help.
Unfortunately, I never had anyone want to go out with me so I am totally clueless.
I also never went to any dances proms or even parties in which I'd have any chances of meeting any girls.
Sorry

 

[Slimguy379]

I'd love to help.
Unfortunately, I never had anyone want to go out with me so I am totally clueless.
I also never went to any dances proms or even parties in which I'd have any chances of meeting any girls.
Sorry

well maybe one day, the gal i showed takes me for who i am, im getting her to try halo.... so dont give up. some girls are awesome its just a matter of finding them and in this scenario snagging them good luck to all fellow geeks

 

[Overlord Ian]

This whole concept is foriegn to me, I cant be of much help... But if it were me, I would just tell her how you feel and see what she says, even if she says no, she wouldn't stop being your friend for something like that. What is there to lose?

 

[ScottKaltz]

Ok, so you'll be as surprised as I am, but

Rachel's best friend just told me she's (she being Rachel) gay. SINCE WHEN? I've known her for 8 years, and she's dated probably 3 or 4 guys in that time. NO way is that even remotely possible, I still wanna be with her, but now I don't know what the heck to think... I don't really believe it.

Should I still bother? She said she wanted to go, and when I asked what she was gonna wear (before I found out the bad news), she said we should go to the store together and match our tux/dress combo she said she wanted to plan the evening together too.

I think if anything there's the possibility she might not be sure, but thats if "anything."

What's your guys' take?

It may be a deversion. Don't jump to conclusions about it. And for Gods sake don't confront her about it. If she is she'll make it clear if and when she feels it's time to tell you. If it doesn't come up, ever, may not be true.

 

[darkesword2020]

New update:

Haley is both. Rachel no confirmation yet. She has confirmed to going with me, and says that she wants to have fun. I'm just going to have to make it so.


Been talking to Rachel's sister, Kirsten.

You guys might find this worth reading:

Hi Fitz,
I don't intend to show Rachel this unless she asks me, although I did tell her you'd added me as a friend on Facebook. You seem like a nice guy (you don't have to suck up though, it's not like I'm her father) and if Rachel wants to go to the Prom with you that's awesome. I'm not sure if you're looking for approval from me or something, but even if you are I'm not the one who can give you that. Rachel's very independent and she'll make those choices on her own. I will give you a word of warning-Rachel (and I) spook very easily when it comes to anything involving what even appears to be commitment. I get the sense you like Rachel as more than a friend from this message, and I'd be careful about showing that. If you push too hard for a romantic relationship, you might end up losing her all together. I don't mean to scare you, that's just the only real advice I have! Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
- Kirsten


Fitzgerald Y. Lewis
April 11 at 11:24pm
Thank you Kirsten,
Commitment huh. Guess I've gotta take it slow then.

Thank you, can we keep in touch?


Kirsten Tullia
April 11 at 11:25pm
Sure, no problem.


Fitzgerald Y. Lewis
April 11 at 11:43pm
I'm gonna ask Rachel to plan the night with me, but I'd also like to surprise her, I wanted to put together a charm necklace for her, but figured since your her closest relative, you might know some stuff about her that I could use for the necklace, and it'd be great to get some ideas so I could make some parts of the evening a surprise?



Fitzgerald Y. Lewis
April 11 at 11:44pm
A necklace that makes her think of me when she sees it would be awesome too...so gotta figure out something we both do that she could relate to and think of me.


Kirsten Tullia
April 12 at 4:43pm
Hmm... I think a charm necklace might be a little too much. have you and Rachel talked much about her guitar playing or intense love of music? If so, then you could try (i don't know how crafty you are, judging by the Storm Trooper uniform I'd say you're good) to make her a necklace using a piece of leather cord and a cool looking guitar pick on it. That's simple and cheap enough that it shouldn't be overwhelming.


Fitzgerald Y. Lewis
April 12 at 5:36pm


I've been wanting to learn a guitar....maybe I can learn from Rach haha. And I know that she loves music more than any girl I know.


Fitzgerald Y. Lewis
April 12 at 5:36pm
If you get a chance....could you take a picture of the guitar pic she has? If ya see her?

Figure I'll use the same one..or something close.


Fitzgerald Y. Lewis
April 12 at 5:43pm
If not, I'll just see what I can do.


Kirsten Tullia
April 12 at 7:38pm
Rachel has a ton of different guitar picks, I'd say just go down to one of the local guitar shops and buy one that you think looks cool. Definitely don't make a big deal about it though.


Fitzgerald Y. Lewis
April 12 at 8:15pm
Sounds good, thanks


Fitzgerald Y. Lewis
April 13 at 8:21pm
I'm trying to think up ways to make the evening fun, but was wondering, what sort of stuff does Rachel like to do? Beyond music, and guitar playing?



Kirsten Tullia
April 13 at 9:53pm
Don't Don't Don't Don't Don't make this a big deal. Trust me, if you do it will backfire. I mean, normal prom stuff is fine but no candlelight dinners or romantic walks or anything. Just be yourself and make things super relaxed. If you want to be unconventional, maybe you guys could go to DC for dinner at one of the places out there that she likes. Rachel loves DC so she knows plenty of stuff out there. I would stay away from the gay bars though, that would be weird. You guys could hit up Adams Morgan or something for dinner and then just kick it around DC, go see the people she hangs out with at the tattoo parlor, stuff like that.


Fitzgerald Y. Lewis
April 16 at 6:00pm
Do you think I should ask rach if she wants to match colors tux/dress or should I go about it a different way?


Kirsten Tullia
April 16 at 9:20pm
Um I think you'd be best off just picking a nice, simple suit rather than the whole tuxedo deal. Granted, it is prom so if you feel like you want to do the matching thing go for it (this is your prom, after all) but my personal opinion is that you're better off getting your mom/dad to help you pay for a nice suit than renting a tux. A good suit never goes out of style, and it's a much better investment. That's just my personal soapbox on the suit v. tux argument though, nothing to do with Rachel's tastes. I don't think she'd care either way.


Fitzgerald Y. Lewis
April 20 at 12:22am
I wanna say no limo, right?


Kirsten Tullia
April 20 at 1:56am
If it's just the two of you I would probably say no, but if there are more people then why not? I mean, this is your prom. Make it something memorable for yourself, Rachel's a guest and I'm sure it's important to you that she has fun too, but it's okay to be a little selfish with your high school memories.




What would you guys say from what you've now read?

 

[Drakku]

Again, I'm still sticking by what I said before, and now with her sister, it pretty much corroborates everything that [most] everyone has advised.

And again, reiterating the I'm-a-girl trump card, I know I would be incredibly uncomfortable and avoiding if I went to prom with my friend, thinking it was just as friends, and then I get slammed with the I-have-feelings-for-you admittance. And her sister has mentioned this to you also.

Trust me, if this is going to turn into something, it will. It won't happen overnight, though, and don't expect it to.

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but we wish we didn't."

 

[Wrathchild]

Hard to say been in both liking a friend and having a friend I looked at as a friend confess their feelings. I never ended up telling my friend how I felt now I never see or talk her, not a clue what ever happened to her. But when someone confessess something like that to you when your not expecting it and don't feel the same way it's one hella aquard situation... I'd have to agree more towards what advice drakku and her sister gave ya, but at the same time keep an open mind and see where it heads.

Best of luck to ya man, Hope it works out for you!