would you watch this?


Well-Known Member
I have been writing the story for a short film for a while and I need some feedback. I need to know if anyone would watch this based on this segment of the story/outline and if I need to change something. Keep in mind that this is still a W.I.P. but be honest.


Main characters: virus
Secondary characters: User ,anti- virus software, & hacker
Setting: The hacker's computer
Fade from black to a dark room with the hacker typing code. This code is the virus. Pan to front of actor. Hacker: Alright little buddy, here's the plan. You go into as many computers that have important data on them as you can and destroy them from the inside.
Switch to view of screen. The hacker types in different IP addresses. He types one address in wrong. As he is typing, switch between the hacker and close-ups of the screen. Switch to screen. The last line of the code the hacker inputs into the command line is destruct.
Transition from the hacker’s computer screen to the user's computer. The user is browsing the internet when he gets an e-mail. He opens the e-mail to find that it’s from his friend. The e-mail actually has the virus disguised as a link to a video inside of it. The user falls for the trap and clicks the link.
Time slows down. Add warp effect. Fast zoom into computer. Add flash effect to hide cut into the world of the computer.
Inside the computer
The world has a lot of Florescent blue, purple, pink and green (Think super awesome laser tag or really cool indoor mini golf course with a ton of black lights). The virus falls into view hitting the ground and bouncing two times. As he gets up, he looks at a screen that pops up in front of him. He reads his instructions from the screen.
Instructions: Go to the main hard drive without being detected and you will find a input jack. Plug your data transfer cable into the system and input the command SELF DESTRUCT.
Close up on the virus and slowly zoom out as he closes the screen and makes his way to the Main hard drive.

tell me what you think.


Well-Known Member
To be honest, I think its pretty cool. Just that the Florescent Colors just might be a rip-off from Tron. Thats all I need to say, I would also say...I would love to see this happen :D


Well-Known Member
I can see where you said that the colors are a rip-off, but I thought that it would look cool because some people who mod pc cases use those colors to light up the inside of the case. Thanks for the input :)


Jr Member
I dunno. While i understand the idea of it, what is the conflict of the story? Is there going to be anything beyond the virus self destructing on the user's PC? Is there an importance to the incorrectly typed IP address other than the virus infecting an innocent persons comp? Will the virus somehow through its journey to the HDD figure out its the wrong comp, and attempt to access the right one? It's kinda hard to decide if I would want to watch this off the small sample we were given. The point of a story is to see a protagonist enter some sort of conflict(usually) and either be the victor, or succumb to his/her/its advasary. I understand that the virus will have to combat the computer's defenses, but the end game seems unfullfilling. We know that the virus is going to die in some way(either through the PC's defenses, or by succeeding and destroying the HDD). There just doesnt seem to be anything that would want to keep me watching it.


Well-Known Member
Well It's still a W.I.P. so I will be making changes. this is just the first rough ROUGH of a segment. I know that I didn't give too much to really think about...this is all I have for the moment. the protagonist is the virus mainly because it will have feelings that the computer defenses will not have. Again, this is just the super rough draft of the very beginning. It still needs a lot of work before I can begin to make the 3D models and animate. Actually your comment was very helpful because it made me think of things to put in it that would help it make sense.