So...i became a dad
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FalseShepherd
Well-Known Member
Hey congrats! Kids are amazing. My little boy is about a year old so my advice is this:
1. It gets better. The first few weeks/months are really hard. It's ok for them to suck. Don't buy into the whole "kids are amazing everything is amazing" mentality if it's not how you feel. My son really started getting fun around 6 months. Also post partum depression sucks so watch out for it in both of you (yes, guys can be effected too).
2. You have a choice now. You can choose to replicate a lot of what your parents did or you can choose to not. Ask you spouse what her instincts are and compare them to your own. Critically think about whether or not it's something you want to do and why. I know for me I am avoiding a lot of how my parents raised me. I don't agree with how they did it and that's ok.
3. Be careful of new child raising theories. Many of my friends with kids subscribe to "new" ways of thinking about feeding and sleep and whatnot and their kids are annoying and their lives are chaos. My wife and I are following kind of old fashioned thinking and our kid is smart, fun, and just better than everyone else (though I may be a bit biased). He also started sleeping through the night at like 3 months ish so... That was nice. You will likely find a lot of advice out there, just weight it all with your own logical thought. No parenting strategy is gonna be that effective if you don't understand/agree with it. Also no strategy will work for every kid. If you are trying one approach and it's not working (after giving it a fair chance) maybe consider another approach.
4. Maybe a tired cliche but try to spend alone time with your SO. It's easy to get swept away in the workload of raising a newborn and you may start to feel like you are drifting away from your SO. You both are always tired and it's hard to really connect. It happens. And frankly its pretty hard to avoid. Just do your best to prioritize your relationship sometimes. That is the foundation of everything else and especially the foundation of your kid's life.
Otherwise, enjoy the ride! And if your not enjoying the ride, just remember that it's going to get better. I don't know you, but if you try, you will probably do great!
1. It gets better. The first few weeks/months are really hard. It's ok for them to suck. Don't buy into the whole "kids are amazing everything is amazing" mentality if it's not how you feel. My son really started getting fun around 6 months. Also post partum depression sucks so watch out for it in both of you (yes, guys can be effected too).
2. You have a choice now. You can choose to replicate a lot of what your parents did or you can choose to not. Ask you spouse what her instincts are and compare them to your own. Critically think about whether or not it's something you want to do and why. I know for me I am avoiding a lot of how my parents raised me. I don't agree with how they did it and that's ok.
3. Be careful of new child raising theories. Many of my friends with kids subscribe to "new" ways of thinking about feeding and sleep and whatnot and their kids are annoying and their lives are chaos. My wife and I are following kind of old fashioned thinking and our kid is smart, fun, and just better than everyone else (though I may be a bit biased). He also started sleeping through the night at like 3 months ish so... That was nice. You will likely find a lot of advice out there, just weight it all with your own logical thought. No parenting strategy is gonna be that effective if you don't understand/agree with it. Also no strategy will work for every kid. If you are trying one approach and it's not working (after giving it a fair chance) maybe consider another approach.
4. Maybe a tired cliche but try to spend alone time with your SO. It's easy to get swept away in the workload of raising a newborn and you may start to feel like you are drifting away from your SO. You both are always tired and it's hard to really connect. It happens. And frankly its pretty hard to avoid. Just do your best to prioritize your relationship sometimes. That is the foundation of everything else and especially the foundation of your kid's life.
Otherwise, enjoy the ride! And if your not enjoying the ride, just remember that it's going to get better. I don't know you, but if you try, you will probably do great!
GerriGene
New Member
Thank you buddy! I am the wife and mother, I really appreciate this response, it means a lot! we are almost a month in and there is definitely hard times but we are a pretty good couple with helping each other. Our bonding time has been cosplay haha. My husband runs the 3d printers and I finish the pieces by filling and sanding them. I have always been an artist and im super excited that my husband got into it with his 3d printing and now we get to raise our daughter to do all the fun things too. Everyone is already asking us when her armor will be built haha
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GerriGene,Thank you buddy! I am the wife and mother, I really appreciate this response, it means a lot! we are almost a month in and there is definitely hard times but we are a pretty good couple with helping each other. Our bonding time has been cosplay haha. My husband runs the 3d printers and I finish the pieces by filling and sanding them. I have always been an artist and im super excited that my husband got into it with his 3d printing and now we get to raise our daughter to do all the fun things too. Everyone is already asking us when her armor will be built haha
Welcome! Make sure you pop over and introduce yourself in the Southwest forum so we can add you to our membership with Mwares1. We are glad to have you!
Redshirt
Guess who's not coming back from the Slayer match--the guy in the Red Shirt
Signature Project: Halo 3 Working Airsoft Spartan Laser in Metal & Fiberglass
GerriGene
New Member
Will do! Cant wait until we ca all meet up sometime!
Dirtdives2424
Master Member
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Mwares1 tips for Kids:
1) Throw out the tips books...... sorry guys, I have 4 kids, and 2 of them are twins, the youngest at 16 going on 35, so i have some miles and experience behind me. Every kid is different, every kids is unique. Tip books are for cooking and passing finals in school and don't always apply to children. Its on the job training and life itself is the teacher. What works for one child, may or may not work for another.....and the differences may be dramatic. I'm not saying that all of these tip books are garbage....you will get the odd gem here and there, but you would have to read all of them.......all billion books, tapes, videos, blogs, IG postings......ect, ect, ect........and by the time you've read and watched all of them, its past time to retire and your kids have grand kids!!!
Conversation between Howard and Tony Stark says it all:
Howard: "Let me ask you a question. When your kid was born... were you nervous?"
Tony: "Wildly. Yeah."
Howard: "Did you feel qualified? Like you had any idea how to successfully operate that thing?"
Tony: "I literally pieced it together as I went along,
1) Throw out the tips books...... sorry guys, I have 4 kids, and 2 of them are twins, the youngest at 16 going on 35, so i have some miles and experience behind me. Every kid is different, every kids is unique. Tip books are for cooking and passing finals in school and don't always apply to children. Its on the job training and life itself is the teacher. What works for one child, may or may not work for another.....and the differences may be dramatic. I'm not saying that all of these tip books are garbage....you will get the odd gem here and there, but you would have to read all of them.......all billion books, tapes, videos, blogs, IG postings......ect, ect, ect........and by the time you've read and watched all of them, its past time to retire and your kids have grand kids!!!
Conversation between Howard and Tony Stark says it all:
Howard: "Let me ask you a question. When your kid was born... were you nervous?"
Tony: "Wildly. Yeah."
Howard: "Did you feel qualified? Like you had any idea how to successfully operate that thing?"
Tony: "I literally pieced it together as I went along,
Sean Anwalt
Sr Member
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- S530
When she turns 6, send her into the wilderness alone (Walmart is the same thing) and tell her if she comes back she can be a Spartan.
Then enlist her in the Navy's SEAL program, and keep her there until she's legally an adult, and then build her a Spartan suit.
Or you can try the traditional "love her and keep her and put up with the frustrating but rewarding growing up process", and that's good too. You know, whatever your preference.
My guy is 2 now, and it's awesome most of the time. The tantrums suck, but I'm teaching him if he throws a fit he doesn't get what he wants, and am having success. It's a slow process, but totally worth it. Totally worth it.
Oh! And at 6 months YOU NEED TO TRY SLEEP TRAINING!!! FREAKING LIFE SAVER!!!
my kid will still sometimes sleep 12 hours. (Not all the time, but he sleeps well every night, and doesn't *usually* wake up in the middle of the night. Obviously there are never absolutes in life, but sleep training works! )
Then enlist her in the Navy's SEAL program, and keep her there until she's legally an adult, and then build her a Spartan suit.
Or you can try the traditional "love her and keep her and put up with the frustrating but rewarding growing up process", and that's good too. You know, whatever your preference.
My guy is 2 now, and it's awesome most of the time. The tantrums suck, but I'm teaching him if he throws a fit he doesn't get what he wants, and am having success. It's a slow process, but totally worth it. Totally worth it.
Oh! And at 6 months YOU NEED TO TRY SLEEP TRAINING!!! FREAKING LIFE SAVER!!!
my kid will still sometimes sleep 12 hours. (Not all the time, but he sleeps well every night, and doesn't *usually* wake up in the middle of the night. Obviously there are never absolutes in life, but sleep training works! )
Rock Lobbster
Sr Member
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- S098
This crazy dad turned his bucket into an actual bucket
MadHeartParagon
Member
Well obviously you need to make an ONI approved baby carrier for your gear.
Sean Anwalt
Sr Member
- Member DIN
- S530
It will get better, man. Kids are awesome.
It really kinda sucks, though, because you want to keep them safe, and keep all the happy and the giggles and etc..., but you also want them to be strong enough for the world ahead of them, so you can't coddle them or do everything for them, because they will become dependent on you. Like, my cousin has a 7- year old who still talks like a baby and is super, super spoiled and it's ridiculous! But you can't just leave them to fend for themselves because then they'll die, and THAT'S no good either! It's a fine line, you know?
I wish they came with a manual.
Although, my son and wife and I just got back this afternoon from the Hill Aerospace museum with all the airplanes and everything, and it was a blast! (And free parking / admission, too! Sweet!)
Anyway, manage your sleep and get some mental health days by using a babysitter once in a while, and you'll do great, man.
Congratulations!
It really kinda sucks, though, because you want to keep them safe, and keep all the happy and the giggles and etc..., but you also want them to be strong enough for the world ahead of them, so you can't coddle them or do everything for them, because they will become dependent on you. Like, my cousin has a 7- year old who still talks like a baby and is super, super spoiled and it's ridiculous! But you can't just leave them to fend for themselves because then they'll die, and THAT'S no good either! It's a fine line, you know?
I wish they came with a manual.
Although, my son and wife and I just got back this afternoon from the Hill Aerospace museum with all the airplanes and everything, and it was a blast! (And free parking / admission, too! Sweet!)
Anyway, manage your sleep and get some mental health days by using a babysitter once in a while, and you'll do great, man.
Congratulations!
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