Halo Diolouge Jokes

[newpol51]

i think that my flood one was good

 

[vulture]

once I jumped out of the ceiling in campaign and assassinated 1 of 2 brutes who were standing together IN A BATHROOM and the other yelled "HE WAS MY LOVER!!!"

 

[JangoFett140]

for me the funny stuff in halo is the insults we throw at each other at 3 in the morning

 

[Roxas 56]

This topic is hilarious.. No.. Honestly, I don't understand any of this humor.

I don't really get it either. If you have to modify a normal quote to make it funny than it's not a quote anymore.

 

[newpol51]

I don't really get it either. If you have to modify a normal quote to make it funny than it's not a quote anymore.

well its showing how good of a jkester you are

 

[RukiaKuchiki117]

I heard this one one last night;
I accidentally blew up a Warthog on Silent Cartographer in Halo:CE and Johnson's starts yellin, "You mind not killin' mah men!?" (not too funny but still.)

Also, the Elite in Halo 2: "Do not fear me human, I have a banana!" (Now THAT had me fall out of my chair. )

And finally, the conversation betwenn Johnson and that guy who give you the tutorial in Halo 2(I think it was Gunns):
-Gunns: When your shields go down, find some cover, wait for the meter to read fully charged.
-Johnson:THAT, or you could hide behind me. You done with my boy here, Master Gunns? I don't see any training...
-Gunns: His armor's workin' FINE, Johnson, so shut yer chili hole. *turns 2 chief* You're free to go, son, just remember, take things slow.
-Johnson: Don't worry, I'll hold his hand. (Pretty amusing, wish the Chief said something funny though.)

 

[WitnessOfTruth]

I love this one. Apparently it's a H3 easter egg featuring voices from the RvB guys. It's on the second level (crows nest) in Halo 3. There's a part where if you walk past where you're supposed to go you'll find a marine knocking on the door to get in somewhere, following is the dialogue:

Normal/easy dialogue

Marine (Jason Saldana, Tucker): Hey, open up!

Voice (Dan Godwin, Doc): Password, please.

Marine: You gotta be kidding me! What password?

Voice: The password so we don't open the door for Brutes.

Marine: Do I sound like a Brute to you?!

Voice: Well, you could be held prisoner by Brutes.

Marine: If I was held prisoner by Brutes and knew the password, then the Brutes could just force me to tell you the password and you'd open the door for them.

[Brief pause]

Voice: Okay, well now I'm definitely not gonna open the door.

Marine: But we need ammo!

Voice: Well why don't you go ask your Brute buddies, then?

Heroic

Marine (Gus Sarola, Simmons): Hey, open up!

Voice (Geoff Ramsey, Grif): Password.

Marine: What?

Voice: Need the password!

Marine: You gotta be kidding me! What password?

Voice: Password! They gave it out at the staff meeting fifteen minutes ago!

Marine: Meeting? What meeting?! I was out here!

Voice: Not supposed to let anyone in without it.

Marine: If the staff meeting just ended, no one outside is gonna know the freakin' password! Now open up! We need ammo and the Chief is out here!

[Brief pause]

Voice: Does he know the password?

Marine: He wasn't at the meeting either!

Legendary

Marine (Burnie Burns, Church): Hey! Open up!

Voice (Joel Heyman, Caboose): What's the password?

Marine: Password? Oh man, I forgot.

Voice: Forgot... what?

Marine: I forgot the password.

Voice: See, that was almost right. Uh, see, the password begins with "I forgot", but ends differently. Um, try again.

Marine: No. I mean, I forgot the password.

Voice: No, okay, see, you - you got it wrong again. See, you said the same thing as last time.

[Brief pause]

Marine: *sigh* I'm being serious; I don't know the password!

Voice: No no no, see, you changed the first part. See, that - that part was the right part. See, now you've got the whole thing wrong!

Marine: No! I forgot what the password is and I just need you to open the door!

Voice: Alright, c'mon, man, now you're just guessing!

Watch it here

 

[vulture]

lol I like the part there where it goes

Marine: If the staff meeting just ended, no one outside is gonna know the freakin' password! Now open up! We need ammo and the Chief is out here!

[Brief pause]

Voice: Does he know the password?

Marine: He wasn't at the meeting either!

 

[RukiaKuchiki117]

I KNEW IT WAS CABOOSE BEHIND THAT DOOR!!!

I heard another one this morning playing Halo:CE; I think everyone knows this one:
*Rock music playing*
1st Marine:"Come on, Sarge, why do we always gotta listen to this old stuff!?"
Johnson: "Watch your mouth, Marine. This stuff's your history!"
2nd Marine: "Hey, if the Covenant wanna wipe out this particular part of my history, that's FINE BY ME."
3rd Marine: "Yeah, better it than us."

 

[ImaGonnaGetYou]

Reading these jokes is very painful for me, because it's so "un-funny".

 

[Xandeyn]

once I jumped out of the ceiling in campaign and assassinated 1 of 2 brutes who were standing together IN A BATHROOM and the other yelled "HE WAS MY LOVER!!!"

Heres a vid of that. at 1:40 secs youll hear it or around there.(also its extremely quiet so make sure the room is almost silent lol) Also I didn't make this video I found it 0.0 so don't be offended by the name. also notice the marine at 1:05 secs stuck to the wall lol

 

[xalener]

In Halo 2. Sarge's friendly fire dialogue is HILARIOUS!

It's mostly just DAT DAT DAT DAT DAT 100 times per second.

All I got are these...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4p-rHgi5B0...re=channel_page

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Df2cCdtIU34...feature=channel

 

[Theron113]

After shooting a marine:

"What? Do I owe you money?!?"

Always been my favorite...

 

[Levi]

On the topic of Red v. Blue and Youtube videos here's a good one...best parts at the end.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2pSt2gACrc

 

[Keegan]

i think that my flood one was good

Of course you would.

 

[iizahsum]

the only funny thing I've seen in Halo was Halo 2 your ass, my size 24 hoof

 

[rvb18]

i like the one on halo 2 when the arbiter and ship master go after the heretic leader and start to go through the flood facility and arbiter says what is it.... (ship master says) that stench I've smelled it before. now imagine if the arbiter says sorry i tried some of the grunt food and it gave me gas.

 

[xalener]

Not quite. Explanations in jokes end in failure. If Arbiter just said "sorry" and left it at that, it'd be less fail.