Texan2012 said:
The story is looking good so far. I do agree that the time should be shortend, by about 50 years at the minimum. Also, do try and have a scene or two with the crew relaxing and just being themselves, break the tension somewhat.
-Add On-
Ok, so to make it more realistic, here's a helpful guide.
Sometimes have in between converation in a battle. Like the first battle in Ch. 1 where manning the gun, I could have said "Sh** i ran out of bullets," or " Dude before i die, i wanna to tell you i made out with your sister". Something like that to make the scene as you said better and more realistc,funny.
Spartans can joke around and have fun and stuff
Marines, are really funny, and always complaining or tired, or making cool funny comments. Like " geez, has your mom ever told you brush your teeth, aw sick, you spit on me".
Elites, peaceful, funny, and sometimes get mad at humans, so maybe they can get shot on accident and have them complaining. EXample:
" Hey dude, lets see what happens if i shoot the arbiter" laughed SartanII. ( gun sounds). " Aw you hit me, stupid human, have you no peace" spat out the arbiter. Then a hunter came and smakced him to the wall.
You get it, just give them personality
TSM
P.s i conly told you this because I want the story to be awesome, and i liked puttingin the dialougue. lol
