Need A Bit Of Relationship Advice...

Sniperbaas

Well-Known Member
Drakku said:
I'd love to throw some woman input in here, but I need to know how old you are. Haha. Because believe me, things she's saying have different meanings depending on how old she is, you know what I mean?



Still in high school years, her attachment to you early on sounds like, at least, it was a matter of her growing close to you and getting the impression that you two were a thing. Dancing is an intimate art, and especially if you did all of your pieces with her, and also spent time with her outside of dancing, you're sending the signals that you want to be with her. That's why she would be upset if you went and danced with someone else, at this age, with hormones goin' crazy, you can almost liken it as cheating on her. Sounds extreme, but girls on the majority have extremely strong emotional roller-coasters throughout high school, me definitely being amongst them, so I'd like to pretend I kinda know what's going on. Hah.



That backstory being explained from a female perspective, which I think is important to try to understand it from her end, this is what I would suggest: she is not done with guys, and especially if she said that to you yourself. That's a I-still-remember-what-you-did excuse. First you need to rebuild the friendship, and you've got plenty of suggestions here in the thread on good ways to do that. The important thing is to not go into this with the goal of dating her. Your goal needs to be reacquainting her with why she liked you in the first place. For the first few times, don't go one on one, bring some mutual friends, if possible. If not, make where you go public places, like to the mall or to the movies. Once you feel the relationship is comfortable, ask her out to a more private place or a more intimate setting, like going to a nice restaurant, seeing a play, etc.

Regardless, I can't emphasize enough that you need to take it slow. When I say 'private' and 'intimate', I'm meaning like somewhere you can pay more attention to her.



Last off, I would advise against trying for this Tanya person. If you're getting the vibe she's not interested, you're getting the vibe for a reason.



And Fluffy, I'm sorry, but I myself would be extremely creeped by that approach. Rofl. Depends on the girl, I guess. But I would advise against doing that.. sounds a little movie-romance. ;] Aka, we need to squeeze an entire month of wooing into 5 minutes. Heh.
We started dancing together when I was in eighth grade, and she was in seventh. Now I'm a junior and she's a sophomore. I think part of why she felt "cheated on", was that in previous years our duo had done really well at competitions (1st overall out of 30 etc), and she may think that my other duo partner will do better than her. (Which is entirely possible as my second duo has better choreography.) There is a possiblity that for much of that time she was just infatuated with me, and didn't really "like" me...

Thanks





Nintendude said:
I'm 27 and never been in a relationship but I still know enough about them to know how to deal with them. To put it short and sweet it's really not what anyone else thinks but you and her on if you two decide to start dating, your family can have a opinion about it but that does'nt mean you have to follow it.
Thanks, so far, everyone seems to say that my fam. can say what they want, but its my choice. Should've done that before I guess...





Thanks
 
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I'd do whatever your heart tells you, but TAKE IT SLOW. Relationships aren't meant to be rushed.



@Drakku: When are we going to see a relationship advice giving column from you ;)
 

CommanderFluffy

Well-Known Member
@dakku: worked for me! 2-3 dates later have been with msfluffy for 3 1/2 years now. happy and liveing together. sometimes cheesy movie romace works sometimes it doesnt... you gotta play it by ear.
 

Drakku

Active Member
Sniperbaas392 said:
We started dancing together when I was in eighth grade, and she was in seventh. Now I'm a junior and she's a sophomore. I think part of why she felt "cheated on", was that in previous years our duo had done really well at competitions (1st overall out of 30 etc), and she may think that my other duo partner will do better than her. (Which is entirely possible as my second duo has better choreography.) There is a possiblity that for much of that time she was just infatuated with me, and didn't really "like" me...
Yeah, that's essentially what I was getting at. She was probably more in love with the idea of you, if that makes sense. Good luck, man! As someone said earlier in the thread, it'll be better to try and see what happens than to not and be plagued with 'what if's.



Tango 89er said:
@Drakku: When are we going to see a relationship advice giving column from you ;)
Haha, I could try to give Dear Abby a run for her money.



CommanderFluffy said:
@dakku: worked for me! 2-3 dates later have been with msfluffy for 3 1/2 years now. happy and liveing together. sometimes cheesy movie romace works sometimes it doesnt... you gotta play it by ear.
:] Hah, congrats! It's true, different women like different things. I've always been a fan of sporadic acts of romance myself, but cheesy can be great too. Flowers are usually my favorite random gift, as cliche as that sounds.



Oh yeah, gifts. Gifts are nice, but don't make them too.. creepy, I suppose I could put it. Some of her favorite candy or something. Flowers are a bit intimate. Lol. But gifts show you care and want to make her happy. :]
 
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Sniperbaas

Well-Known Member
Drakku said:
Yeah, that's essentially what I was getting at. She was probably more in love with the idea of you, if that makes sense. Good luck, man! As someone said earlier in the thread, it'll be better to try and see what happens than to not and be plagued with 'what if's.





Haha, I could try to give Dear Abby a run for her money.





:] Hah, congrats! It's true, different women like different things. I've always been a fan of sporadic acts of romance myself, but cheesy can be great too. Flowers are usually my favorite random gift, as cliche as that sounds.



Oh yeah, gifts. Gifts are nice, but don't make them too.. creepy, I suppose I could put it. Some of her favorite candy or something. Flowers are a bit intimate. Lol. But gifts show you care and want to make her happy. :]
Her being more in love with "the guy who dances with her", was kinda what I was afraid of. I'll be talking to her tomorrow, so I'll let y'all know what happens...

Yeah, you'd probably give Abby more than a run for her money. lol. (Hmmmm... Not exactly 405th related, but you could have a column in the 405th source lol.)

Any other gift ideas? I know roses can be taken a bit too intimately, but how about a different flower? I've heard some people mention orchids?



Thanks, while you (and everyone else who posted) may not be saving my life, you're probably salvaging some of my mental health and maybe saving a possibly doomed relationship.





22hrs and counting...





Cheers!
 
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Ok, this is a loooooong post, but I feel it may be relevant:



Look, I'm just gonna throw it out there right now that I'm not the one to give advice, seeing that I've had a no win record myself, but what I can do is offer consolidation and let you know that you are not alone and this happens to the best of us. I liked a girl "Samantha" for essentially all of my sophomore year. She was cute, funny, smart, her head wasn't in the clouds, and we had established an awesome friendship from the two classes we shared the year before. There was only one thing holding me back, she had a boyfriend. Now I don't advocate trying to "steal a girl from someone" (for lack of better terms), and had this been a normal "she already has a boyfriend" situation, I might have tried, but he and I were actually cool with each other, being teammates on our swim team and such. And the final factor, they were good for each other, and I have to say that to this day, I still have doubts as to if I could compare to him or not. Anyway, I decided to wait it out for them to break up as I was sure they would, and then make a move then, all while fostering our friendship to its highest potential. By the end of the school year, their relationship showed no signs of slowing down, so I decided it was best to stop loosing sleep over Samantha and to simply give up and move on. I can say with full honesty that that is the single hardest thing that I have ever done. It did come with some silver lining, I now had an incredible friendship with a genuinely good person.



Flash forward two years and three more failed attempts at relationships with other girls.



I was just starting to get over girl #3, when Samantha and I reconnected after a year of virtually no contact (we didn't share any classes our junior year). It was mid july and I had learned that she and her boyfriend had broken up for good in May. We started talking, and actually hung out a few times, and it wasn't long before I remembered why I had liked her. Unfortunately, when school started again, things slowed down. We really didn't have much time to spend together as both of us seemed to always have plans at lunch, and after school wasn't an option due to my water polo and her work at the supermarket. Regardless, I would still find myself on the phone with her at 3 a.m., spilling out our most personal secrets to each other and the such. One night, we were texting, and Samantha seemingly out of nowhere asks me who I'm interested in. Now, I am old fashioned in the sense that I believe the only meaningful way to confess one's love is in person, and I am one to text back quickly, so I sent her the first bulls#&@ that came to mind which was somewhere along the lines of "That's a touchy subject for me that I don't like to talk about with anyone, not even family" (except it probably wasn't that cold). I could tell this hurt her, as she seemed distant for about a week or so before things finally seemed back to normal.



Eventually Homecoming came around, and on the day of, we have a school-wide assembly, and then the seniors stay after for a class picture for the yearbook. We sat together for the assembly, and stood next to each other for the picture. Very closely. Good vibes right? We spend the homecoming carnival together, and have a genuinely good time. Good vibes right? a few hours after the carnival (we both had plans to fulfill with our friends), she texts me saying, "Maybe I'll see you at the game? <3" to which we make plans to meet up at. Good vibes right? So the plans were that whoever gets there first grabs seats. I got there first, and got awesome seats right on the 50 yd line. Samantha texts me saying she is just pulling into the parking lot and she'll see me in a few. So I wait, and after about five minutes, I still don't see her, so I text her to find out whats up. Turns out she and her friends grabbed seats elsewhere. I eventually go over to her and tell he that there are plenty of open seats where I am, and she tells me that she and her friend were going to grab drinks and come over. And eventually, I did see them get up and go to the concession stand, but they never came over to where I was. After texting to see what was going on, it turns out Samantha and her friend left because she "had to be up early for work". Now here's the kicker, when I went to tell her we had room where I was sitting, she was siting next to a guy "Jacob" who at the time I thought was still going out with another girl, so I thought nothing of it.



I though wrong.



The whole next week, Samantha treats me like $#!^, not responding to me, avoiding me, or treating me like the antichrist when I'm near her. I also see her and Jacob together talking and laughing, and I see that look on her face that she used to give me. Finally, on friday, I pulled her aside and asked her what happened between us. We really didn't get much time to talk, be cause the bell rang and we had to go to separate classes. That was the last time we spoke in person. I get a text later from her saying she was sorry if she gave me the wrong impression, and she thought we were cool just being friends. I admitted that I was going to have to accept that and that I wanted to still talk about things. It took me several times mentioning that before she finally agreed that we'd talk later. Its now been three months and "later" still hasn't come. Her relationship with Jacob didn't even last until Winter Formal to which they had bought a bid to go together. The last time she made contact with me was when she told me I left my headlights on. I have finally convinced myself that our friendship is done, and I had done everything in my power to save even that. She just started dating a guy last week that appears to be a huge slimeball based off of his facebook page, but frankly, for all that it matters, I don't even care anymore.



So Sniperbaas, just remember that you are not alone in suffering. There are plenty of songs, poems, etc. that can explain the feelings of heartbreak better than I ever could, but sometimes it seems that even those don't give the true feelings justice. As its been said before, just hold your head high, and remember that there are other fish out there. Besides, on a realistic note, this is highschool and as bad as it sounds, nothing here matters. chances are that you will not truly meet that special someone until college or beyond, so look to the future if thing with Ash and Tanya take a major turn for the worse.



sorry for the epically long post :) .

-Colin out.
 
This is getting big and interesting, seeing how everyone has something to say based on experience. Maybe we should start a "personal relationships and old stories" thread. For advice, or a friendly pat in the back.
 

chwbcc1

Member
I love that idea! Call it What Would MC Do? "Frag it and Move on!"



But seriously,



I personally think that noone should be looking for a serious relationship until your at least 25. This is advice I would have liked when I was younger. It would have put me at ease knowing that while I may be confused and hurting or feeling things I am not sure about, that there is no real commitment... There is plenty of time to explore the options around me. I believe that by the age of 25 you should have at least love someone great, hurt someone badly, been loved great and hurt badly. You finally learn that the past is the past and the next time you are in a relationship you are going to be a better person.



The sad truth...

You will never get over any of these amazing life experiences, your lost true loves will haunt you, the what if's will always be there to remind you and you will never truly get over those feelings of I should've, would've, could've. You will never get over being hurt badly by those you loved with all you heart, and you will be cautious the next time you put yourself out there.



But the silver lining is that you learn from these experiences so you can do better next time. So you can be better next time. So that the next person you are with can have you as you are, complete, with life experiences that make you a better person and in turn makes you a better couple.



So my advice is take some time away from it all. Let things flow naturally and just ask out who you want to. If they say "no" you will learn to be a better person for it.



As for the Parents, look at it from their perspective. They want what's best for you... They love you unconditionally though it may not seem like it at times. They looked into your eyes when you were born/younger and wanted nothing but the best for you. That is a hard habit to break. And in the end you girlfriend/wife could leave you but your family will always be there for you.



So listen to what they have to say, know that they love you with all their hearts. I have been there. When I finally found a girl that both me and my parents liked, the relationship had so many more opportunities and experiences to explore. And I am so much happier for that. Remember if the relationship works out, this person is going to be a part of the family, so don't set them up for failure in the beginning by not having your parents approval. That is not respectable to you, your parent or to your girlfriend.



So, "Frag it and Move on"
 

ceramicist

Jr Member
I hate to chime in here, but I cant help myself. first a fact or two. relationships started in high school fail, statistically speaking. you grow and cange a lot in your early twenties, and are never the same person you were. this is why most people dont end up with their high school sweetheart. Second, you are in school. you should focus on your goals, because those are what you will excel in. if you are focused on the opposite sex, you will do very well with them, but lose focus on the rest of your goals. Third, since you are a guy, its time to learn that guys dont multi task very well, its not how we were made. girls can do many things at once and juggle multiple agendas, guys excel at singular tasks, taking things one at a time. dont take it as an insult, and i am sure there are exceptions to this, but in general its the way things are.

the facts aside you should pray about it.

now i will begin dodging things being thrown at me for saying that, but its the absolute BEST thing you can do. how you relate to God is how you relate to anyone else in your life. A person who doesnt believe in God doesnt believe in most other people. A person who trusts God trusts people, and a person who loves God loves other people. That kind of relationship is the basis for all other relationships, and He will never steer you wrong. whatever you do decide to do, I pray for your happiness, and I hope love blossoms abundantly for you.
 

CommanderFluffy

Well-Known Member
@ isupernoob : wow thats messed... been their done that.. not always fun eh. but everyone learns for something like that.. like move forward and dont hide/expect things to work. cause the lady's will move on faster than guys will if the guys dont make the move.



@chwbcc: ok.. some valid points but parents do come around to the girl you have. once they get to know her better or see's what you see in her somehow then yes.. but they wont always hate her because they know you will be happy they accept it.



@ArmouredApostle: please for everyone.... wait no.. just so you dont get harrased about things stop posting things like that about religon/god no one cares and no one really prays.. now adays church is just filled with old people and not the younger generation.. why because they dont think much about it and dont care. so please for your own good and the good of everyone else (as you have already probably been told) leave religon/god out of the forums... no one talks about any other religon here do dont start cause your just setting yourself up for harrassment.
 

Walter Spase

Well-Known Member
While relationship woes are things of serious concern to many, the 405th should not be at all the source for the advice that would help you.



Not discounting the feelings you may have, nor the good advice that might be had, but these threads bring in the matters of opinion that people become defensive about.



I wish you the best of luck with your situation.
 
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