Ok, this is a loooooong post, but I feel it may be relevant:
Look, I'm just gonna throw it out there right now that I'm not the one to give advice, seeing that I've had a no win record myself, but what I can do is offer consolidation and let you know that you are not alone and this happens to the best of us. I liked a girl "Samantha" for essentially all of my sophomore year. She was cute, funny, smart, her head wasn't in the clouds, and we had established an awesome friendship from the two classes we shared the year before. There was only one thing holding me back, she had a boyfriend. Now I don't advocate trying to "steal a girl from someone" (for lack of better terms), and had this been a normal "she already has a boyfriend" situation, I might have tried, but he and I were actually cool with each other, being teammates on our swim team and such. And the final factor, they were good for each other, and I have to say that to this day, I still have doubts as to if I could compare to him or not. Anyway, I decided to wait it out for them to break up as I was sure they would, and then make a move then, all while fostering our friendship to its highest potential. By the end of the school year, their relationship showed no signs of slowing down, so I decided it was best to stop loosing sleep over Samantha and to simply give up and move on. I can say with full honesty that that is the single hardest thing that I have ever done. It did come with some silver lining, I now had an incredible friendship with a genuinely good person.
Flash forward two years and three more failed attempts at relationships with other girls.
I was just starting to get over girl #3, when Samantha and I reconnected after a year of virtually no contact (we didn't share any classes our junior year). It was mid july and I had learned that she and her boyfriend had broken up for good in May. We started talking, and actually hung out a few times, and it wasn't long before I remembered why I had liked her. Unfortunately, when school started again, things slowed down. We really didn't have much time to spend together as both of us seemed to always have plans at lunch, and after school wasn't an option due to my water polo and her work at the supermarket. Regardless, I would still find myself on the phone with her at 3 a.m., spilling out our most personal secrets to each other and the such. One night, we were texting, and Samantha seemingly out of nowhere asks me who I'm interested in. Now, I am old fashioned in the sense that I believe the only meaningful way to confess one's love is in person, and I am one to text back quickly, so I sent her the first bulls#&@ that came to mind which was somewhere along the lines of "That's a touchy subject for me that I don't like to talk about with anyone, not even family" (except it probably wasn't that cold). I could tell this hurt her, as she seemed distant for about a week or so before things finally seemed back to normal.
Eventually Homecoming came around, and on the day of, we have a school-wide assembly, and then the seniors stay after for a class picture for the yearbook. We sat together for the assembly, and stood next to each other for the picture. Very closely. Good vibes right? We spend the homecoming carnival together, and have a genuinely good time. Good vibes right? a few hours after the carnival (we both had plans to fulfill with our friends), she texts me saying, "Maybe I'll see you at the game? <3" to which we make plans to meet up at. Good vibes right? So the plans were that whoever gets there first grabs seats. I got there first, and got awesome seats right on the 50 yd line. Samantha texts me saying she is just pulling into the parking lot and she'll see me in a few. So I wait, and after about five minutes, I still don't see her, so I text her to find out whats up. Turns out she and her friends grabbed seats elsewhere. I eventually go over to her and tell he that there are plenty of open seats where I am, and she tells me that she and her friend were going to grab drinks and come over. And eventually, I did see them get up and go to the concession stand, but they never came over to where I was. After texting to see what was going on, it turns out Samantha and her friend left because she "had to be up early for work". Now here's the kicker, when I went to tell her we had room where I was sitting, she was siting next to a guy "Jacob" who at the time I thought was still going out with another girl, so I thought nothing of it.
I though wrong.
The whole next week, Samantha treats me like $#!^, not responding to me, avoiding me, or treating me like the antichrist when I'm near her. I also see her and Jacob together talking and laughing, and I see that look on her face that she used to give me. Finally, on friday, I pulled her aside and asked her what happened between us. We really didn't get much time to talk, be cause the bell rang and we had to go to separate classes. That was the last time we spoke in person. I get a text later from her saying she was sorry if she gave me the wrong impression, and she thought we were cool just being friends. I admitted that I was going to have to accept that and that I wanted to still talk about things. It took me several times mentioning that before she finally agreed that we'd talk later. Its now been three months and "later" still hasn't come. Her relationship with Jacob didn't even last until Winter Formal to which they had bought a bid to go together. The last time she made contact with me was when she told me I left my headlights on. I have finally convinced myself that our friendship is done, and I had done everything in my power to save even that. She just started dating a guy last week that appears to be a huge slimeball based off of his facebook page, but frankly, for all that it matters, I don't even care anymore.
So Sniperbaas, just remember that you are not alone in suffering. There are plenty of songs, poems, etc. that can explain the feelings of heartbreak better than I ever could, but sometimes it seems that even those don't give the true feelings justice. As its been said before, just hold your head high, and remember that there are other fish out there. Besides, on a realistic note, this is highschool and as bad as it sounds, nothing here matters. chances are that you will not truly meet that special someone until college or beyond, so look to the future if thing with Ash and Tanya take a major turn for the worse.
sorry for the epically long post
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-Colin out.
