I have been writing the story for a short film for a while and I need some feedback. I need to know if anyone would watch this based on this segment of the story/outline and if I need to change something. Keep in mind that this is still a W.I.P. but be honest.
Virus
Main characters: virus
Secondary characters: User ,anti- virus software, & hacker
Intro
Setting: The hacker's computer
Fade from black to a dark room with the hacker typing code. This code is the virus. Pan to front of actor. Hacker: Alright little buddy, here's the plan. You go into as many computers that have important data on them as you can and destroy them from the inside.
Switch to view of screen. The hacker types in different IP addresses. He types one address in wrong. As he is typing, switch between the hacker and close-ups of the screen. Switch to screen. The last line of the code the hacker inputs into the command line is destruct.
Transition from the hacker’s computer screen to the user's computer. The user is browsing the internet when he gets an e-mail. He opens the e-mail to find that it’s from his friend. The e-mail actually has the virus disguised as a link to a video inside of it. The user falls for the trap and clicks the link.
Time slows down. Add warp effect. Fast zoom into computer. Add flash effect to hide cut into the world of the computer.
Inside the computer
The world has a lot of Florescent blue, purple, pink and green (Think super awesome laser tag or really cool indoor mini golf course with a ton of black lights). The virus falls into view hitting the ground and bouncing two times. As he gets up, he looks at a screen that pops up in front of him. He reads his instructions from the screen.
Instructions: Go to the main hard drive without being detected and you will find a input jack. Plug your data transfer cable into the system and input the command SELF DESTRUCT.
Close up on the virus and slowly zoom out as he closes the screen and makes his way to the Main hard drive.
tell me what you think.
Virus
Main characters: virus
Secondary characters: User ,anti- virus software, & hacker
Intro
Setting: The hacker's computer
Fade from black to a dark room with the hacker typing code. This code is the virus. Pan to front of actor. Hacker: Alright little buddy, here's the plan. You go into as many computers that have important data on them as you can and destroy them from the inside.
Switch to view of screen. The hacker types in different IP addresses. He types one address in wrong. As he is typing, switch between the hacker and close-ups of the screen. Switch to screen. The last line of the code the hacker inputs into the command line is destruct.
Transition from the hacker’s computer screen to the user's computer. The user is browsing the internet when he gets an e-mail. He opens the e-mail to find that it’s from his friend. The e-mail actually has the virus disguised as a link to a video inside of it. The user falls for the trap and clicks the link.
Time slows down. Add warp effect. Fast zoom into computer. Add flash effect to hide cut into the world of the computer.
Inside the computer
The world has a lot of Florescent blue, purple, pink and green (Think super awesome laser tag or really cool indoor mini golf course with a ton of black lights). The virus falls into view hitting the ground and bouncing two times. As he gets up, he looks at a screen that pops up in front of him. He reads his instructions from the screen.
Instructions: Go to the main hard drive without being detected and you will find a input jack. Plug your data transfer cable into the system and input the command SELF DESTRUCT.
Close up on the virus and slowly zoom out as he closes the screen and makes his way to the Main hard drive.
tell me what you think.