m19sssm said:
all i can say is that if she was so perfect, then you should go find her. do you know what shcool she went to?
yeah i know what school she went to but it's like half an hour away and what do you expect me to do with that information?
and wtf leadingspartan?
no offense, but you post a link to your little topic saying how shitty your life is and all of a sudden you have 4 pages of replies and saying how much better you're doing now and i dont have ****. you're not the only one with a shitty life on the verge of suicide. you say your life sucks so much; you say playin with some of the guys here online makes you feel better, while my 360 doesn't work, the box to send it to M$ in arrived a week after i called them, i didn't get to send it in yesterday because i slept for 16 hours straight (probly due to my depression) and i couldn't send it in today because it's a sunday, and i probly won't even get the damn thing back in time for christmas, so anything i get for it i won't even be able use until like a week after. xbox live used to calm me too, but i haven't had that luxury for weeks.
you say you recently broke up with your girlfriend; i haven't had a single girl show any interest in me whatsoever in the past 6 months. the girlfriend i did have 6 months ago just stopped calling me for no apparent reason (this is the second time). i was completely miserable for the 10 months i went hearing nothing about her after knowing her for only a few weeks (though it felt like i'd known her my entire life), and after a month of being able to see her again, having it all taken away from me all over again was too much from me. i would mostly just stay in my room and cry myself to sleep. after having the best you could possibly hope for, losing it all just like that tends to affect you a good bit (hell, i had girls 2 years older than me complimenting me on my "really deep voice" in 6th grade). and to top it all off, my crazy ex-girlfriend calls and gets a myspace and trys to hook up with me again! and just when i thought things couldn't get any worse....
i also have two very annoying siblings (three if you count the one in college) who, even in the comfort of my own room, are always coming in yelling and screaming and annoying the hell out of me while i'm trying to ensure i dont fail and have to go to summer school for the fourth year in a row.
and while all this is happening and everything just keeps getting worse and worse, the people i used to talk to about it i either can't talk to or they just don't care anymore. the people i'd talk to on aim and myspace have stopped contacting or responding to me, what friends i had at school just ignore me now, and we can't afford for me to keep going to my psychiatrist anymore.
and don't any of you give me any of that "oh, it's just a phase, you'll get over/past it," "just be patient, it'll all get better eventually," "just be thankful for what you have, look on the bright side, think about what makes you happy," NOTHING makes me happy anymore! what the hell do i have to be thankful for? so what if i'm still alive? what purpose do i serve? what do i have that makes life worth living? i'm not just bitching because i had a bad day or week, my life has been like this for the past 2 1/2 years now! i'm tired of hearing from every damn person i talk to to just wait for things to get better when my problems just keep piling higher and higher and things just keep getting worse and worse and everthing i had before is always being taken away from me, and all this is happening at the perfect time to have the worst possible effect on me.
now i want to kill myself and just end it all just as much if not more than you do, but that doesn't mean that i'm going to do it. and i'm not going to start cutting myself like i did when all this started, that's something i am past. but that doesn't mean i'm going to end up taking everything out on someone else. i swear, one of these days i'm going to end up snapping when that one person says the one thing that just sends me over the edge and i'm going to end up hurting them or worse.
you have no idea how much all this is f***ing me up, i was hospitalized the first week of christmas break in 7th grade. though i have matured and become much more stable since those days, that doesn't mean any of this is affecting me any less.
like i said before, don't give me any of that "just wait, it'll all get better" ******** because that's all have been hearing for the past 2 1/2 years and i dont believe it any more now than i did then or "stop bitching and grow some balls" because i did that at the age most kids hadnt even started screaming into their mics yet (i matured physically
very quickly, not that that really has anything to do with any of this). this is the only place i have left to turn for support because fate and the rest of the world have apparently turned their back on me. if that's too much to ask then i'll just give up and go on living this lonely, miserable, hopeless existance.
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