Calling all Storytellers, creative minded people

[Adam]

We need to do a story about marines. It will be done in 3 Acts, each act 5 minutes a piece. This could be something that turns into a performance piece sometime later. Think of it as an "on-stage" performance. Limited space, and limited props. Enemies aren't seen, only heard and gunfire flashes. We need the details of the story though. Only the best writers need apply.

Here's the synopsis, we need to fill in the blanks. Think of this as a story being told in 3 parts... related to the same story line but not immediately after one another.




Act 1.
Characters: 4 marines - (1 sergeant, 3 privates)
Place: On Transport Vehicle: On way to battlefield to support losing allied forces
Topics of discussion: Speculation about a "halo weapon", being drafted, missing earth, build up anticipation and weaponfire grows louder "saving private ryan landing craft" towards end of act.
Note: important to give personality to all 4 marines in this act. Make us care about who they are, and what they do.

Act 2.
Characters: 4 marines - (1 sergeant, 3 privates)
Place: Inside Makeshift Bunker. Build up to getting Pinned down in bunker by heavy fire, scared, waiting for death...no ammo, no food, no hope, bleeding and exhausted
Note: audience thinks these guys are dead-meat. Dispair and hopelessness envelops all. More talk of home, and death.


Act 3.
Characters: 3 marines, the sergeant is dead, and 1 marine badly wounded.
Place: Inside Busted Up Makeshift Bunker. Bunker half caved in, marines are about to give up completely.
Chief shows up, gives them ammo. Marines can't believe their eyes. Moral reverses and after a short talk they jump over the wall and attack with full force. Flash of light, then end.


I need to fill in the details, first lets talk about the characters. Lets give them backstory. Make them friends. Make them close. Who are we taking into the battle. (at least one marine needs to be female).

 

[23Magnum]

I have an idea for the last act. When the Chief shows up, he kneels down next to the wounded marine. He takes a look at the wounded, then fires off a few rounds from his AR to heat up the exhaust vents. He then immediately presses the heated part of the AR to the wound to cauterize it. He hands one of the other soldiers some ammo, who then distributes it among the rest of them. Chief signals for them to move out. Continue with the leap over the wall.

Now, that's what I had if the chief doesn't speak which is what you're probably going for since recreating his voice would be difficult. What do you think?

 

[Assassin716]

Hmm lets see personality

okay well

Sarge: battle tactical, hardened veteran, rough/coarse voice, smartass, aggressive

marine one (female): sniper, tomboy- jokester, veteran, persistent

marine two (male): veteran, careless, committed, clever

marine three (male): the rookie, follower, religious, shy, reliable

those are some personality types to situate the characters, i also made the female the sniper because its proved that females have a higher percentage accountable for accuracy which makes them ideal snipers, and no im not trying to stereotype just giving a fact,

 

[wolf]

i know this is halo marines, but i think i could help with diologue and perspective issues as a currently serving marine who has seen some combat, that and even though its in the future....marines never change. and one quick change...three privates doesnt make sense, the could all e non NCO's but on could be a private first class another a Lance Corporal (or a specialist if you want army ranks.) just a thought.

 

[Adam]

you can be the consultant... thing is, in wartime, people get killed, his squad might have been split up, killed and they rejoined with survivors. But I think we can easily change ranks.

 

[Assassin716]

just about my whole family loves military dealings, setup, ect, my dad was actually a sergeant in the military some years back, and me, my bro and dad would sit back and just watch all the channels on new growing technology within the military, as well as tactics, strategies and personal encounters. But I applaud to you tenacioust183 for serving.

but yeah is this a type of skit ppl would act out at conventions or something else

as for my creative mind i write heavily on sci-fi military as well as Inquisitive adventures. most dealings with short stories of the warhammer 40k universe, and my personal novel series, i guess I am letting u know to lay down what I am capable of helping with

 

[odst26]

Hmm lets see personality

okay well

Sarge: battle tactical, hardened veteran, rough/coarse voice, smartass, aggressive

marine one (female): sniper, tomboy- jokester, veteran, persistent

marine two (male): veteran, careless, committed, clever

marine three (male): the rookie, follower, religious, shy, reliable

those are some personality types to situate the characters, i also made the female the sniper because its proved that females have a higher percentage accountable for accuracy which makes them ideal snipers, and no im not trying to stereotype just giving a fact,

thats all good but the rookie should be a jokester always trying to bring the team up and not be sad all the time

 

[Assassin716]

i tend to go the way where the veterans have become well used to everything and have a more slacked or hardened personality, i always (in my writing) have believed that the new rookie would be the most by the book type of squad member, doing as told and obeying orders, to do everything he/she was taught during training

 

[Unique Name]

While we're talking about the personality types, I think the seargent is a bit stereotypical at this point. No, really stereotypical.

 

[Assassin716]

the whole waiting part (act 2) kinda reminds me of the video for the halo 3 diorama called hunted or something where the marine vet talks about how him and his squad mates have to go dark until the chief arrives at sunrise

 

[wolf]

couple more notes. four people equate to what we marines would call a fire team, and i think just as a good way to let the audiance know the immediate status is for the marines to do a status check at the beggining of each scene.

scene 1
Sgt(name): Listen up marines/fire team, pcc (pre combat check) time.
marine1: Ammo green, gear green
marine2:green, green Sgt.
marine3:good to go Sgt.

scene 2
Sgtduring a small break in the fire) status check
m1: ammo red, gear yellow
m2:same f^@$ing here too
m3:$ne mag left, lost my binos somewhere out there.

ect ect.


and btw the Sgt does sound stereotypical, but the one thing is all Sgt's are nononsense when its time for business

 

[LastSpartan]

I think the sergent shouldn't be too much like Johnson :S

 

[abandonship]

about how much do you need in length?

I'll try and write something up this weekend. And that all depends on whether or not I can get this stupid research paper done.

 

[flying squirl]

in about three weeks ill be a fully qualified Production designer ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Production_designer )

im at your service if ya need me

 

[23Magnum]

In creating the story, how long are you wanting each Act to be in regards to time length. 5 minutes? 10 minutes? 20 minutes? Knowing this would determine the amount of dialog and character development that would need to be written.

...It will be done in 3 Acts, each act 5 minutes a piece...

 

[Primal Weyland]

I'd love to climb on board. I've done quite a few productions myself and can act fairly convincingly.

 

[rowan]

When the MC comes into the bunker to rescue the marines you could so a subtle terminator reference:
The MC holds out his hand and says:
"come with me if you want to live"
Then again that isn't really subtle, to much Sarah conner chronicles for me.

I've written a few short Shadowrun story's, i was planning on making a fan film with them when i get the time (and the funds). I haven't done much in the halo universe yet, plus it wold take me ages, when i write, its a very slow process.

I cant wait to see what comes of this!!!

 

[WheresDaChief]

I delete my post to protect my stupidity! Sorry I'm at work, just glanced over the OP

 

[flying squirl]

just had a quick idea on how to avoid having the chief talk

when he arrives he puts his index finger up to the 'mouth' of his helmet in the 'shhhh' motion, then indicates that there's someone/something, very close by (probably good to have a shadow or two move by at this time). he distributes the ammo and, using hand signals, explains what the plan of action is.

a nice touch to do here would be having no dialogue what so ever but have the ambient noise grow unnoticed over the length of the shot, then when they go over the top and it fades to white have the sound fade out as well, it give the impression of a silence after silence, IE a dead silence. its a simple idea but it can be used to quite effect

EDIT:$h and if this is for film you definatly have to have them charging twards and past the camera as it fades to white. i know its a cleche but common, the whole thing could be concidered a cleche

 

[23Magnum]

I delete my post to protect my stupidity! Sorry I'm at work, just glanced over the OP

I got ya covered.