Everybody Needs To Laugh Sometimes

[adventchildmatrix]

that one about the taser ROFL my nuts off that one was awsome











Obama has won the election
It's a black day for the KKK

 

[Dreadnought]

I just read Batman: The Killing Joke

"It's funny...this situation. It reminds me of a joke...
You see there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum...
and one night they decide they don't like living in the asylum anymore
they decided they are going to escape!
So, like, they get up onto a roof and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town.
Now the first guy, he jumps the gap no problem, but his friend daredn't make the leap.
Y'see he is afraid of falling.
So the first guy has an idea
He says "Hey! I have a flashlight! I'll shine it across the gap and you can walk along the beam and join me!"
But the second guy shakes his head "Wh-what do you think I am crazy?!"
"You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"

 

[BFDesigns]

I had something that happened to me last night that was hilarious and incredibly painful at the same time. I was working on my final project for CAD last night, the Belt Buckle Project. Anyway, we printed our pieces off in Cornstarch and then infiltrated them in paraffin wax so that they could be burned out and cast using the lost wax method. So after casting the pieces in bronze, I started cleaning them up (grinding off the sprues, cleaning the surface up. etc.). Took me a few hours and then the thing had to be assembled. I got it about 3/4 the way assembled and started to take the sprues off of the last loop like piece so that I could finish assembling it. I was using my bench grinder for the process and it has a tendency to like to grab things and throw them across my studio. The wheel is spinning at 3500 rpm so that would probably equate to something like 100+ mph. My studio chair happens to be a 39" swiveling bar stool that is really comfy and nice, but also happens to be the same height as the grinder. So the grinder does what it always likes to do and grabs my piece. I have the side guards taken off for ease of changeability, and usually this causes whatever I'm working on to skitter off to one side and miss me... NOT THIS TIME!!! the loop followed the wheel all the way around and back out the front at over 100 mph, RIGHT INTO MY NUTS!! Talk about the worst pain that I've ever felt! I've fallen off of cliffs and collapsed lungs and that didn't even compare to how bad this was! So after about a half hour of screaming and coming close to tears (and laughing my ass off at the same time cuz let's face it, this was pretty damn funny!), I finally felt good enough to stand back up off of the floor and try to work on it again. I found the piece on the ground and it actually hit my package so hard that it bent! I'm totally fine but the 2-1/2 ounce piece of cast bronze was bent! That's how I figured out that I've got balls of solid bronze! But I won't be trying to do that ever again! So now if i'm working on that side of the grinder I'm putting a book in front of my important parts!

 

[adventchildmatrix]

I had something that happened to me last night that was hilarious and incredibly painful at the same time. I was working on my final project for CAD last night, the Belt Buckle Project. Anyway, we printed our pieces off in Cornstarch and then infiltrated them in paraffin wax so that they could be burned out and cast using the lost wax method. So after casting the pieces in bronze, I started cleaning them up (grinding off the sprues, cleaning the surface up. etc.). Took me a few hours and then the thing had to be assembled. I got it about 3/4 the way assembled and started to take the sprues off of the last loop like piece so that I could finish assembling it. I was using my bench grinder for the process and it has a tendency to like to grab things and throw them across my studio. The wheel is spinning at 3500 rpm so that would probably equate to something like 100+ mph. My studio chair happens to be a 39" swiveling bar stool that is really comfy and nice, but also happens to be the same height as the grinder. So the grinder does what it always likes to do and grabs my piece. I have the side guards taken off for ease of changeability, and usually this causes whatever I'm working on to skitter off to one side and miss me... NOT THIS TIME!!! the loop followed the wheel all the way around and back out the front at over 100 mph, RIGHT INTO MY NUTS!! Talk about the worst pain that I've ever felt! I've fallen off of cliffs and collapsed lungs and that didn't even compare to how bad this was! So after about a half hour of screaming and coming close to tears (and laughing my ass off at the same time cuz let's face it, this was pretty damn funny!), I finally felt good enough to stand back up off of the floor and try to work on it again. I found the piece on the ground and it actually hit my package so hard that it bent! I'm totally fine but the 2-1/2 ounce piece of cast bronze was bent! That's how I figured out that I've got balls of solid bronze! But I won't be trying to do that ever again! So now if i'm working on that side of the grinder I'm putting a book in front of my important parts!

Ok bf thats absolutly hilarious so this fits you perfect (well at least the first 15secs anyway)
balls of steel

 

[bevbor]

(click picture to enlarge)

 

[BFDesigns]

"I've got Balls of Steel!" that was funny as hell! Especially since the irate chick started to crack at the end!

 

[adventchildmatrix]

Christmas has been cancelled this year
Because Santa died of laughter


Apparently you told him you were good in bed

 

[TexasAggie2011]

This one's for sigma

So, a Texas Tech Raider, a t-sip (longhorn), a Fightin' Texas Aggie, and a Baylor Bear were all on a flight from Houston-Bush to a conference in San Diego, California. About half way there, the pilot comes over the P.A. and announces that there's been a problem with the avionics and the plane is going down. The Raider gets out of his seat as the plane starts diving, walks over to the door, opens it and screams "FROM HERE IT'S POSSIBLE!" and jumps out of the plane. Not to be outdone, the t-sip gets up and shouts "HOOK 'EM HORNS" and jumps.

All that's left now are the Aggie and Baylor Bear. The Aggie proceeds to pick up the Baylor Bear and shout "Pro Ecclesia, Pro Texana!" (for church, for texas) and throws the Baylor Bear out.

in an alternate version, the Ag throws the t-sip out and shouts 'The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You"

 

[ninjaspartan]

this should make you laugh and want to end the AOL

sorry for you AOL usres

here's some more funny $#!T

 

[bevbor]

 

[Spartan RY52]

Chuck Norris can eat a rubiks cube and poop it out solved.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris once beat a lion, a grizzly, and an alligator by tying them together with an andaconda.
Rainbows happen when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.
Rambo was loosely based on Chuck Norris as a boyscout.
By Presidential decree, every time Chuck Norris shaves, the wiskers are gathered and buried at Arlington-with full honors.
Chuck Norris can charge a cell phone by rubbing it on his beard.
Every cell in Chuck Norris's body has its own beard.
King Kong is loosely based on an incident involving Chuck Norris, a 900 foot gorrilla, and the Coors Light twins.
No one has ever returned a Total Gym - and lived.
A cobra once bit Chuck Norris's leg. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris once split a man in half, just to see what he had for lunch.
Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and Nakasagi.
Chuck Norris can stop time for two hours by thinking about pineapples.

And the grand finale:

Once, a man in an airport accidentally called Chuck Norris "Chick" Norris. He apologized profusley and, suprisingly, Chuck Norris forgave him and politiley signed an autograph. 9 monthes later, the mans wife gave birth to a bearded baby. He realizes he has noone to blame but himself.

Chuck Norris = My hero

Ad i got lots more of those....

 

[Achille]

I love Chuck Norris jokes.

There actually are some people that survive a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. They're called astronauts.

For the mature peeps (Most people probably won't get it anyways):
Remember that diamond necklace you gave your girlfriend on her birthday? Last night Chuck Norris gave her a pearl one.

One last one. Chuck Norris. He just won the game.

 

[alexleo]

Oh, sure, now I just lost the game!

 

[iizahsum]

I had something that happened to me last night that was hilarious and incredibly painful at the same time. I was working on my final project for CAD last night, the Belt Buckle Project. Anyway, we printed our pieces off in Cornstarch and then infiltrated them in paraffin wax so that they could be burned out and cast using the lost wax method. So after casting the pieces in bronze, I started cleaning them up (grinding off the sprues, cleaning the surface up. etc.). Took me a few hours and then the thing had to be assembled. I got it about 3/4 the way assembled and started to take the sprues off of the last loop like piece so that I could finish assembling it. I was using my bench grinder for the process and it has a tendency to like to grab things and throw them across my studio. The wheel is spinning at 3500 rpm so that would probably equate to something like 100+ mph. My studio chair happens to be a 39" swiveling bar stool that is really comfy and nice, but also happens to be the same height as the grinder. So the grinder does what it always likes to do and grabs my piece. I have the side guards taken off for ease of changeability, and usually this causes whatever I'm working on to skitter off to one side and miss me... NOT THIS TIME!!! the loop followed the wheel all the way around and back out the front at over 100 mph, RIGHT INTO MY NUTS!! Talk about the worst pain that I've ever felt! I've fallen off of cliffs and collapsed lungs and that didn't even compare to how bad this was! So after about a half hour of screaming and coming close to tears (and laughing my ass off at the same time cuz let's face it, this was pretty damn funny!), I finally felt good enough to stand back up off of the floor and try to work on it again. I found the piece on the ground and it actually hit my package so hard that it bent! I'm totally fine but the 2-1/2 ounce piece of cast bronze was bent! That's how I figured out that I've got balls of solid bronze! But I won't be trying to do that ever again! So now if i'm working on that side of the grinder I'm putting a book in front of my important parts!

something like this happened to me. I was at my friends house and he was facing away from in a chair reading something on the computer. I was on the right corner of his bed eating pizza, Now when i am at my house i just bounce to the corner of my bed and slide off well his bed has a neat little wooden SPIKE on the corner so when i bounced to slide off i landed square in my sack flying forward with a metal tray with some pizza bits on it. Now me getting spiked in the tenders was painfull, but what was also painfull was when my face slammed into the metal tray that slammed into his computer desk launching me on to his floor and making little bits of pizza land all over me. he only saw this out of the corner of his eye so my guess was that it was even funnier, and he regreted not having a video camera.

Oh, sure, now I just lost the game!

good job you just made me lose the game

 

[Vexona]

'Stop It!'
Bob Newhart on MadTV.

Sometimes I wonder....
"Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"
...and then it hits me.


Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

 

[antzombie280]

Haha Vex the frisbee thing is good

i got one


"Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me Janice, who created the universe?" When Janice didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good" and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, "Who is our Lord and Saviour." But, Janice didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good," and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your butt!"

" the teacher fainted!"

 

[Vexona]

Haha! That was a good one Antz!

That reminds me of some stuff my mom sent me actually. I dug through my email box after reading yours so I could post these too. They're pretty G, but some are cute in that 'innocent way of telling someone off' sense lol.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty...'

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE. God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

 

[antzombie280]

hahaha those are freakin halarious

 

[Klowd 13]

this one was hilarious, makes me want to get Garrys Mod!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fh8VfFH78jY <---Linky to Idiots of Garrys Mod,BEWARE THERE IS SWEARING AND ADULT THEMES AT THE BEGINING! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Cheers,
-John-

 

[gamerguy55]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Klowd 13 @ Jan 6 2009, 07:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class='quotemain'>this one was hilarious, makes me want to get Garrys Mod!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fh8VfFH78jY <---Linky to Idiots of Garrys Mod,BEWARE THERE IS SWEARING AND ADULT THEMES AT THE BEGINING! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Cheers,
-John-</div>
The second one is also very funny, they're pretty long but defiantly worth it. I'm usually not into the goofy videos with crappy voice overs, but The Idiots of Gary's Mod do it really well.